Falling in Love vs. Staying in Love

Falling in love is easy, wouldn’t you agree?

Boy meets girl; boy asks girl out; girl is late for their date by an hour (and couldn’t call because these were pre-cell phone days, so boy waited patiently and may or may not have had to take care of some business in the bushes – thank God it was dark!); girl finally arrives (and is very sorry, but traffic coming home across the bridge was bad); boy and girl go to dinner, fall in love and get married.

See how simple that was?

Now, let’s fast forward some 4,985 days. Boy and girl are now older and wiser wireless and have most of their daily conversations via text; boy lovingly plucks girl’s gray hairs with an eyebrow tweezer – those short ones on top of her head keep growing back!; girl discovers with some amusement that boy has a (very recent) passion for gardening; boy and girl are constantly interrupted by two clones of themselves, but do their best to stay in love and be connected.

Eeks. Life and love are not so simple anymore, is it?

Sure, life is a lot more complicated now. But it’s also a lot more real. Falling in love is easy because it’s all about the unknown, the unexpected, the discovering. Seeing someone at their best and showing the best of yourself. It’s about the feelings someone else makes you feel.

I used to think falling in love was more fun than staying in love. Well, sometimes it is, but the truth is that real joy comes more from giving than receiving.

Staying in love is all about the giving – how you make someone else feel. It’s the supportive words you offer after her long day at home with the kids; the embrace you give when he is feeling defeated from work; the ability to understand just exactly how the other person is feeling by looking at him because you know him better than anyone else.

And that part of love – the already-discovered, the expected, and the known – is pretty awesome.

On that note, take a look at hubby’s awesome succulent creations. πŸ™‚

Hubby's own succulent plant creation.

Who knew he had a green thumb?!

I love Ed Sheeran’s new song, “Thinking Out Loud”. The lyrics are beautiful and his dancing is pretty amazing, too. πŸ™‚

How do you stay in love or see others in your life stay in love?

Movie Quotes & Marriage

Have you ever considered how much movie lines stick in your head long after you’ve watched a film? Let me throw out a few to get your gears turning.

“I love you. You complete me.”

β€œDon’t forget I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” 

β€œAs you wish.”

“I’m not a smart man … but I know what love is.”

And my favorite (sarcasm intended) …

“I’ll never let go, Jack, I’ll never let go.” (Says Rose right before she promptly lets go of Jack’s hand and watches him sink into the cold, dark abyss of the sea.) πŸ˜‰

Sigh, so many romantic movies with so many romantic quotes. Don’t you feel the warm fuzzies just thinking about them?

Well, this past weekend I had one movie quote running through my mind as we were having lunch at Five Guys Burgers & Fries (our default pick because we forgot Chick-fil-A was closed on Sunday – sniff!). The munchkins and I were sitting at a table while hubby ordered our meal. When he brought the food back to our table, he set down two large brown paper bags. After he had emptied the first bag with all four of our burgers, I asked him, “What’s in the second bag?”

He stuck his hand in the second bag and replied, “Oh wow, this is a lot,” and proceeded to pull out a 20 ounce paper cup full of fries. Then with a sheepish smile, he said, “There’s another one in the bag. I didn’t know they were so big.”

Aiya. Dear hubby had ordered two large size fries, and I knew for a fact (call it woman’s intuition) that we were not going to be able to finish the first 20 ounce cup, let alone touch the second one.

Did I mention that each order of fries cost over $5.00? And that a ton of potatoes (straight from Idaho as a white board on the restaurant’s wall proclaimed) had sacrificed their tuber-rific lives to fill up those 40 ounces?

A lot of thoughts were running through my frugal mind at that point. Thoughts which would be better left unspoken, especially considering the regretful look on hubby’s face when he realized he had ordered way too much.

But another thought, actually a line from a movie, also ran through my mind as I stared at our bounty of spuds. It was this:

Image courtesy of pinterest

Image courtesy of pinterest

 

Yup, that’s Thumper there from the movie Bambi. And he sure has some good relationship advice. It’s true. If I didn’t have anything good to say to hubby about the fries, then it was better that I say nothing at all.

Zip. Nada. Zilch.

So I kept my mouth occupied with bites of my burger and decided to let it go (thank you, Elsa). Moreover, I chose to be thankful. Thankful that hubby is way more generous than I am and would rather err on the side of having too much than not enough. And especially thankful that after 13 years of marriage, I’m finally learning how to put love into action, even if it’s being silent.

Here’s an appropriate song for this post, Alison Krauss’ When You Say Nothing At All.

What’s your favorite movie quote?

Conversations with a 5 year old About Marriage

The other morning C turned to me and announced, “I think I’m going to marry T.”

My immediate reaction was, “Why do you want to marry T?”

“Because he’s silly. And he has a round head.”

Ahh… I see. In previous conversations with my 5 year old munchkin, she had stated that she wants to marry someone like her Baba. Someone with the important characteristics of:

#1 – A silly nature

#2 – A round head (If you haven’t noticed by now, C has an affinity for circular things, heads included.)

She then proceeded to ask, “Who else do you think I can marry?”

With raised eyebrows, I replied, “But you know you can only marry one person.”

“I know!” she answered matter-of-factly.

Obviously, she’s still thinking about the matter. πŸ™‚

As C ponders about her future hubby, I thought I’d come up with three points for her (and E) to consider about marriage (some 15-20 years from now of course). These are things I wish I had known when I was 5. πŸ˜‰

1. Understand yourself. Know what your personality is like, particularly the traits that could drive your future spouse bananas. This includes being passive-aggressive when upset (ahem, maybe me) or messy/forgetful much of the time (ahem, definitely not me). πŸ˜› Be willing to accept input from family and friends who know you well and have your best interests at heart, and focus on growing and changing to be the most loving version of yourself. Be happy and whole as an individual, try new things, have fun, and live the life God has given you to the fullest.

2. Understand relationships. Don’t base your ideas and expectations of a relationship off of Hollywood movies or romance books, even the one your mama wrote (insert shameless plug for my book here). πŸ˜‰ Know that people are complicated and messy on their own, and mixing two people’s complications and messiness together only equals more complications and messiness. Strengthen your communication skills in the areas of listening, resolving conflict and negotiation because these skills will help you thrive in all kinds of relationships.

3. Understand your significant other. When you do spot someone (on the playground, in a classroom, at the cafe, across a crowded room, etc.), who sparks your interest, get to know the person better. Preferably in different situations and over the course of a looong time. Baba recommends observing the person’s competitive spirit, so please invite that person over for a game of mahjong Mario Kart sometime. Lastly, but most importantly, ask for God’s, your family’s and friends’ input about the person and listen with both your ears and your heart.

Then … when you think you’re ready for a relationship (with all of its beautiful and adventurous ups and downs) and have found a person whom you adore and adores you back, break the news to Baba and me gently (sniff, sniff!), so we can accept the fact that our little munchkins won’t stay little forever.

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping an eye on Mr. T. πŸ™‚

C and T at school. (Don't worry, I was kidding about keeping an eye on him. This picture was actually taken by his mom.)

Here’s C and T at school. (Don’t worry, I was kidding about keeping an eye on him! This picture was actually taken by his mom.)

Take a listen to this fun song about love, “Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows (subtitled in Spanish for some reason).

What great love/marriage advice have you received? What relationship advice would you give to your friends, siblings or kids?

The Sweetness of Old Love

Hubby and I are attending a wedding this weekend, and two thoughts come to mind – YAY for our friends, and awww, it’s going to be a big mush-fest.

Don’t you just enjoy seeing couples getting hitched? There’s something about weddings that is so refreshing and warm fuzzy, kind of like the feeling you get when you slip on a pair of toasty socks fresh out of the dryer. Perhaps it’s the ideality of the situation, the sweet hopes and dreams that a bride and groom share when they make their vows. Or the high level of happiness surrounding an event that brings family and friends from around the globe together. Or, maybe for some, it’s the free food and drinks. πŸ˜‰

The reason I enjoy going to weddings is to see new love. New love is quite possibly one of the most beautiful sights to behold. It’s what causes couples to stare longingly and adoringly into each other’s eyes, to call each other cute nicknames, such as Pumpkin or Snookums (or if you’re Chinese – Lao Gong/Lao Po), and to want to spend every single second of the day together, just to be in each other’s presence.

Yes, new love is terribly, wonderfully sweet.

But did you know there’s something that tops even that? There’s something else that can pull at your heartstrings and make your teeth ache even more from sugar-overload.

Yup, the only thing sweeter than new love is old love. πŸ™‚

Old love is like the couple who sometimes goes through an entire day without realizing they hadn’t shared a kiss, but they know how the other person is feeling just from hearing their voice on the phone. It’s having the assurance that your hubby knows you so well that when you ask him to bring home lunch (after having survived taking your kid to the dentist to get three teeth pulled), you open the to-go box to find exactly what you wanted. And it’s the ability to freak your hubby out by predicting exactly what he’s doing, when he’s doing it (see below for proof).

This was a real exchange between hubby and me. LOL

If you ask me, I think old love is pretty awesome. πŸ™‚

This is my wish for our soon-to-be-married friends, that they will have a beautiful day celebrating their new love and look forward to a lifetime of happily developing their old love.

Take a listen to this perfect wedding song, “You and Me”, by Lifehouse.

What do you enjoy most about weddings? 

An Unexpected Trip to the ER and a Confession

My family and I had the pleasure of taking a short weekend getaway to a nearby beach town last weekend. It was the four of us, plus my parents and sister and brother-in-law. One weekend together staying in a quaint house should have equaled semi-rest and relaxation (after all, we had babysitters on hand); what we didn’t expect however was that it would also include a visit to the ER.

Hubby, the kids and the grandparents had settled themselves comfortably on a stretch of sand while my sister and bro-in-law had gone boogie boarding. I had been given the task of buying some beach toys because we of course had forgotten to bring our whole stash of shovels, pails and molds from home. I had just made the purchase and was returning my wallet to my purse when I decided to check my phone.

Three missed calls and one voicemail?!?! I had not even been gone for ten minutes. What could be wrong?

As I walked out of the store, I listened to the message from my mom and heard the worry in her voice as she said, “T dislocated his shoulder again! He needs to go to the hospital!”

My thought process went something like this:

AIYA! But they barely got into the water! It was probably a foreshadowing of things to come when T joked, “It was nice knowing you” right before he headed off towards the ocean. Oh dear! Where, what, how …?!?!

After a series of calls and missed calls, I finally reached my mom who told me hubby and the kids had driven our bro-in-law and my sister to the ER. I met up with my parents, and we decided to walk the 1.3 miles back to our rental house, two boogie boards and an unopened bag of sand toys in tow.

The thirty minute stroll (which could have taken twenty minutes had we thought to take a shortcut via a bridge) gave us a good opportunity to enjoy the warm sunshine. It also provided a rare chance for my parents and I to chat, just the three of us. So there we were, looking very touristy with Google maps open on my phone, walking single file up and down the narrow streets when my dad called up to me, “I told Mommy when you got married that I was worried it wouldn’t work out.”

Later on when I shared my dad’s confession with hubby, he also said, without batting an eye, “I was worried, too.”

Hm … Was I the only person who had optimistically naively thought our dating relationship, and subsequent marriage, would have a happily ever after?

Apparently, yes. πŸ˜‰

You may be wondering what all the fuss was about? Well, let’s just say that hubby and I are very different in a lot of areas, personality and dating histories being two of them. Throw in some concerned family and friends to the mix, and well, you’ve got some legitimately concerned family and friends.

Looking back, I can say I was 100% sure of my decision to marry hubby. But frankly speaking, my confidence came from a lot of unrealistic notions of love and marriage. Beliefs such as: troubles will never come our way; we will always feel loving towards each other; and we’ll always have a happy relationship (yes, I’ve needed to wean myself from an “all or nothing” mentality over the years). What I learned in the days following our wedding was the complete opposite: all couples will face troubles; there will be times when you dislike each other; and there will be plenty of moments when you drive each other bananas.

Isn't this a cute group of bananas?

Isn’t this a cute group of bananas?

The years leading up to today have included many such doses of reality. But as an older friend at church (with eleven years of marriage under his belt compared to our one at the time) once told us, “It gets better.”

It does?! If so, when? And how? His comment left me with some doubt, but also with some hope.

But he was right. Marriage does get better. With time, you really get to know your spouse, his way of thinking, doing and planning (or not planning). You grow to trust each other more. You learn to not take things so personally. You try to become a better lover and friend.

The key is that it takes time. Time to change and to see change happen. So it’s important that we be patient with our spouses and with ourselves. Our marriages are a work in progress because we are a work in progress.

On that note, my dad followed up on his confession during our walk with this: “I see how happy your (and your sister’s) marriages are and I’m not worried anymore.”

Whew. πŸ™‚

Here’s Alicia Keys’ song, “If I Ain’t Got You“, a sappy, but powerful love song. πŸ˜‰

In what ways have you seen a relationship or marriage improve over the years?

P.S. Our brother-in-law got his shoulder relocated at the hospital (his 7th time!) and has now learned how to do it himself should it ever happen again. πŸ˜›

My Real Life Love Story

As some of you may know, I’ve been working on an adult fiction book for about a year now. I spend much of my day (and some wee hours of the night) thinking, imagining, and trying to breathe life into a love story on “paper”. If you were to look at my computer screen, you would see multiple windows open across the top: Google docs (where I store the literary products of my blood, sweat and tears; AutoCrit.com (a cool online editing tool); Thesaurus.com (for looking up synonyms of words I tend to overuse); YouTube (for playing cheesy love songs in the background); and Facebook (for moments of writer’s block). Add my creative juices to the mix and I’ve got the perfect ingredients for writing romance, right?

Um, maybe.

One thing I’ve learned through my writing endeavors is that you can only write what you know. Sure, fiction allows for a lot of room to invent new characters and places, but the heart of a love story is still about the romance. Which makes me wonder if I should be writing romance at all because truth be told, I’m not a very romantic person. I’m a little too structured to do anything spontaneous. I’m much too cheap to spend money on extravagant things. I’m way too square to behave passionately. πŸ˜‰

This poses a problem since romance is all about throwing caution to the wind, laying everything on the line, and – this is for all you closet Beliebers out there – believing you can survive starvation, homelessness and bankruptcy because you have love (sigh! haha). Even if it is a bit exaggerated, this idea of romance is what you hope love stories are made of.

So how in the world does an unromantic gal like me find inspiration for a romantic novel?

Simply put, from my own love story. πŸ™‚ Let me share it with you now.

Hubby and I met at church when he and I were 25 and 23 respectively, but our paths had actually crossed about a decade earlier on the final day of a joint church retreat. Although I don’t have the best memory, I distinctly remember noticing the slim, self-assured guy preparing to take our group picture and how he ran over to stand about five feet from me before the camera clicked. Years later after we were married, a friend of ours showed us the photo from that summer day and pointed out that, sure enough, hubby was the photographer who had caught my eye as a teenager.

When we officially met as adults, I remember exchanging names, shaking hands, and wondering if he was younger than me (we both looked like babies back then!). Over the course of a few months, we exchanged numbers from our very first cell phones (which were the size of today’s landlines), emailed each other every day (this was pre-Facebook), and eventually had “The Talk”. Fast forward a year and a half later, he took my parents out for dinner (without my knowledge) and asked for their blessing to marry me. During the week he proposed, he woke up early every day to surprise me with roses and cards on my car windshield and ended the week with a beautiful bouquet delivered to my workplace. That Saturday he took me out to dinner at the restaurant where we had our first date, then to a hilltop overlooking the city skyline. There he turned on the tape deck of his blue Mitsubishi Eclipse, sang his proposal to the tune of a song I liked, and presented me with a ring. I said “Yes!” and the rest, like they say, is history. πŸ™‚

This was hubby's surprise for me for our 10th anniversary. Yes, I think he's the romantic one between the two of us!

Hubby reenacted “proposal week” for our 10th anniversary – the trail led down the stairs to a vase of roses. Yes, I think he’s the romantic one between the two of us!

I share these memories with you because it helps me remember the wonder and thrill of young love. Not only does reliving the past provide great inspiration for my book, but it also injects a new zest for romance in real life, too – specifically in my marriage. I’m reminded to treasure the man whose bright smile I fell in love with. To stand by the vows I spoke to him thirteen years ago (come next Monday). To see the best in him even when we drive each other crazy. And to choose to fall in love with him over and over again.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow a romantic bone or two in the process. πŸ™‚

Take a listen to Sara Bareilles’ new love song, “I Choose You“. May the lyrics prompt you to remember your own love story.

How did you and your spouse meet and fall in love? How do you continue to keep the romance alive in your relationship? Please share – I would love to hear your stories. πŸ™‚

Lasting Love

My kids surprise me with how mature they are at times. They respond to various situations in ways that would put many adults, including myself, to shame. Like the time I forgot it was early pick up day for E and showed up at his school an hour late (!) and he gave me an unexpected, but very sweet, kiss on the lips as a gesture of his forgiveness. And the times I see C treating her old chicky just as well, if not better than its new counterpart, show me signs of her faithfulness.

This latter example with C really got me thinking about its analogy to marriage. Now that hubby and I have been married for about a third of our lives, I think it’s safe to say we don’t look the same as we did when we met. We’re a little more round in the middle and a lot more wrinkled and grey around the edges. We no longer sound the same either; our backs and knees creak a lot more and our voices are less energetic. We’ve become like C’s old chicky, worn down and not so appealing on the outside. If you compared us with our engagement glamour shots taken 14 years ago, you would see a noticeable difference. That’s how it is with C’s two chick toys. When you see them side by side, you can tell right off the bat which one is the new one.

20140113-090217.jpg

The old chicky shrunk in size, too!

I had initially assumed C would like the newer, brighter, cleaner chicky more than her old one. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t like to have new things (kids and adults alike)? That’s why we like to buy new clothes, new toys, new gadgets, etc. But for some reason, C still adores her original chicky. She loves it even though its yellow fur is now matted and sparse and its white tummy is not so white. She loves it so much that sometimes she only wants to play or sleep with it. It doesn’t seem logical that she would choose the older toy over the newer one. But love doesn’t always make sense, does it?

Nope. If I have learned anything from my four year old’s love for chicky, it’s these two aspects of love.

First, love is blind. When we love, we choose to look past the external, past the temporary things. Qualities like smooth skin, a full head of hair or flat abs can be attractive, but they are very fleeting. Sooner or (hopefully!) later, we will all walk a little slower and sag a little lower. If our affection for our spouses was based on appearances, our relationships would definitely be on shaky ground after a decade or two.

Second, love remembers. When we love, we choose to remember the lasting things, namely the memories you have made over the years. The amazingly great or stressful day of your wedding. The first place you made into a home. The job offer you both prayed so hard for. The nights you spent deciphering the meaning behind Lost. The moments you waited together for the result of a pregnancy test. The secret smiles you exchanged across the room. The days you held hands in comfortable silence. The times you finished each other’s thoughts. These memories are lasting and the stuff that real life is made of. And the best part is that these shared experiences will not fall out or fade or grow grey with time. In fact, the longer you are married, the more you will build upon your memories and the stronger your bond will be.

So on this Valentine’s Day, may we be reminded to look at our spouses with new eyes (behind the contacts or bifocals you may be wearing). Eyes that focus and see their inner beauty and worth. Eyes that remember the highs and lows you have come through as a couple. Eyes that say, “I’m still into you.” πŸ™‚

The song for this post is Paramore’s “Still Into You“. Take a good listen to the lyrics (when you’re not dancin’!) cause they speak of lasting love.

How do you see your spouse/significant other? 

A Better Spouse

Hubby recently told me that one of his friends said, “You married a good wife.”

My reaction to him was, “Huh, what are you saying about me behind my back?” and the one to myself was, Yeah, you go, girl!  πŸ˜‰

I think everyone enjoys getting complimented, right? We all like to feel good about ourselves and to look good to other people. So I was more than happy to hear that someone would think I’m a good wife. And to be honest, I’ve thought the same thing myself on occasion.

I cook, clean, do laundry, buy groceries, take care of the kids, listen to hubby vent, put up with his crazy work schedule, etc. 

I am a good wife!

I’ve even gone to the point of thinking, I’m not just good, I’m better. I’m the better spouse. I’m easier to live with. I don’t leave my socks in random places around the house. I’m so easy going. The list could go on and on. (And my head would grow bigger and bigger.)

I would likely have a very huge ego by now if it were not for an incident that happened one morning. I had just stepped out of a nice, hot shower and grabbed my towel off the rack when something in the trash can caught my eye. Lying on top of a bunch of wadded up tissues was a clump of long, wet hair. I leaned down to take a closer look and realized the black blob had once belonged to me. Over time, I had shed a long lost relative of Cousin Itt in the shower and someone had picked it up and thrown it into the trash. That someone had been my hubby.

In that instant the reality of the situation hit me as strongly as the cold air that had met me when I stepped out of the shower.

Are there things about me that annoy him, like my hair always clogging up the drain? Is there a slim possibility that I’m not as easy to live with after all?! (Gasp!)

Image courtesy of winnond/freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of winnond/freedigitalphotos.net

I know my tendency to shed in the shower (and all over the house) is not that big of a deal. Just the fact that hubby discarded my hair without mentioning it shows it’s a minor issue for him. But likewise, hubby’s tendency to shed his socks around the house shouldn’t be a big deal either, yet I confess I have made it into one in the past. This got me thinking – could it be that one reason I believe I am a good wife is because hubby often chooses to overlook my imperfections? In actuality, I know there are things that I do or the way in which I do them that cause him to sigh and shake his head. However, he is quite patient with me and gives me grace as I grow. I, on the other hand, am not so kind. I would rather downplay my shortcomings and focus instead on his. Clever, huh? It’s the classic speck and log scenario, which I admit I fall prey to quite often throughout our marriage (Matthew 7:1-5).

What I’ve come to realize though is that marriage should not be about criticizing or comparing, but about cooperating and giving grace. When two people share the same roof, conflicts and disappointments are bound to happen. A harmonious relationship takes a lot of work and time to achieve. As a marriage goes through its growing pains, the point isn’t to figure out who is doing more or less in the relationship (cause it will never work out perfectly fairly). What matters is keeping the right perspective of our spouse.

When we choose to see our husband or wife as good – essentially as valuable and lovable – a lot of the things that annoy and irritate us will go by the wayside. It will become more natural to show patience and understanding on a daily basis. It will become easier to see the planks in our own eyes. It won’t be a big deal anymore to pick up socks off the floor or hair from the shower drain.

Because when it all comes down to it, the goal of marriage is not to focus on who is or is not the better spouse, but to become a better spouse.

Take a listen to John Legend’s song, “All of Me“. I like the line about loving all the “perfect imperfections”. πŸ™‚

What perfect imperfections have you come to love about your spouse?

Lovin’ Your In-Laws

If you’ve ever watched a Chinese soap opera, you would know there is always a cross-generational battle going on between family members, more specifically between the mother-in-law (MIL) and daughter-in-law (DIL) – and the poor son gets stuck in the middle. This story line is so popular probably because it’s based on reality and like they say, fact is sometimes stranger (and more entertaining) than fiction. I would venture to say that regardless of what culture or background you are from, you have experienced or heard of such conflicts occurring in your family, too.

With this in mind, I was having lunch with some fellow moms the other week and we happened upon the topic of in-laws. We were actually talking about our kids getting married (crazy I know, considering our kids are ages 7 and under!) and one day becoming a MIL ourselves. One mom said, “Yeah, that’s why I started praying that I would love her (her future DIL) more than I love him (her son).”

Image courtesy of 10incheslab/freedigitalphotos.net

What?!?!?!?! I had to pick my jaw off the floor for that one! I looked at her and saw that she was totally serious. And I was humbled. Wow. What a prayer to pray! She was basically asking God to help her NOT be one of those dreaded MIL’s on TV. More than that, she is already opening up her heart to accepting and treasuring her son’s future wife. She even wants to love her more than she loves her own flesh and blood!

Yes, it’s been weeks and I’m still trying to wrap my head around what she said.

Now, I have been blessed with a saint of a MIL. I can honestly say I feel like she loves me as much as she loves my hubby. She happily cooks for us twice a week, cleans our bathroom and fridge when she stays over, and has never said a mean word about me to me or behind my back. So I know it’s possible to have a good MIL-DIL relationship. But even still, it’s hard for me to imagine getting to know some stranger that your son (or daughter) met and loves and inviting that person into your family and ultimately, your heart.

But I am willing to try. I want to break all the MIL stereotypes that society and the media (ever heard of the movie Monster-in-Law?) have ingrained in our minds. I want to make life easier for whoever marries my son and daughter – cause marriage is already hard enough as it is! I want to pass on a legacy of love for my kids, grandkids and the generations to come.

Because if fact is stranger than fiction, I want to make our family’s reality, and my role as a MIL, mind-boggling – in a good way! πŸ™‚

P.S. The mama friend who blew my mind is 8 years younger than me – more proof that young’uns can really inspire us!

Here’s Carrie Underwood’s song, “Mama’s Song”, to get you thinking about that big day in the future when you will gain a son or a daughter in law. (Get the tissues out!)

What are your hopes for your child and his/her future spouse?

From Strangers to Family

We’ve been doing some home renovations for the past few months. Most recently, the whole family was involved in painting the kitchen cabinets. Hubby and I painted the upper cabinet doors, while the kids did the lower ones. While we were working, I remarked to hubby that we (he and I) have done quite a lot of painting together, starting from when we were dating. He looked at me with an amused expression and said, “Yeah, you surprised me. I didn’t know you very well back then.” I grinned and replied, “I didn’t know you well back then either!”

Our first painting experience together took place almost fifteen years ago when I helped his family paint their house; since then we have come a verrry long way. We went from “Oh, I think he/she’s cute and I want to know him/her better” to getting married to showing our true selves to each other on a daily basis. It’s almost funny to think that as newlyweds, we were embarrassed to fart in front of the other person! That however has totally changed and we’ve seen, heard and smelled more of the other person than we ever imagined we would. HAHA

Isn’t it strange how two people go from being complete strangers to becoming family? It’s a comforting and scary thought all at the same time. Comforting because when you are able to be that comfortable with your spouse, you get to experience a deeper kind of love.

It’s the kind of love that drives someone to…
~ kiss you when you have morning breath
~ buy you chocolate for your next PMS attack
~ allow you to squeeze the life out of his hand during a contraction

It’s also the kind of love that motivates someone to…
~ not nag when you leave your socks in the middle of the floor
~ listen to you complain about your stressful day at work
~ let you buy that new electronic gadget you’ve been drooling over

However, when you are that close to your spouse, things can get a little scary, too. There are plenty of chances to rant and complain and blame and belittle. There are more than enough opportunities to show that side of you that you would never, EVER think of showing to your coworkers, friends or neighbors. But if you have a good foundation of that deeper kind of love to sustain you, you learn to apologize, forgive and try again.

Now, how do you keep the love flowing in your marriage so you not only don’t kill each other, but you actually like one another?

I don’t have any profound answers, but I think it helps to go back in time and think about what worked before. Back to a time when you and your spouse tried to impress one another with the things you said and did. Back to the days when that one Facebook message, text, email, phone call or snail mail letter (depending on how far back you need to go!) from your spouse made your whole day.

Image courtesy of stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net

When all else fails, you can always go back to these three timeless basics of a relationship:

1. Practice your manners. Smile at your spouse every day, so it looks like you’re happy to see him/her. πŸ™‚ Say “please” and “thank you”, even for things you think he/she was supposed to do or should have done last week. It not only makes him/her feel treasured, it helps you to have a grateful attitude.

2. Be courteous. Treat your spouse like the person you once so desperately wanted to get to know. Make eye contact and ask about their day (and put your phone down). Listen attentively and nod once in a while (and resist the urge to peek at your phone). Make him/her feel like you care about their concerns – cause you do! Ask for their opinion when making decisions. Be a team player and make your partner feel needed and appreciated.

3. Go beyond yourself. Do something you used to do when you were trying to win your spouse over. Maybe you used to buy her that dessert she likes or leave work early just to surprise her? Or maybe you used to watch basketball with him or compliment him on how hard he works? Go above and beyond yourself and invest a little time and energy into making your spouse feel important.

Marriage is like our bodies. What goes into our body and how we treat it determines how healthy, strong and energetic we feel. Similarly, what we put into our marriages determines if our homes are happy and healthy sanctuaries… or if they feel like suffocating and depressing traps. The choice is up to you. The good news is that every little positive thought and action counts – you just need to start. You, your spouse and family are worth it.

To help you remember what it was like to date your spouse and why you wanted to marry him/her in the first place, listen to Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran’s song, “Everything Has Changed“.

What drew you to your spouse when you first met as strangers? What do you appreciate about him/her now that you are one family?

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