The Secret Life of an IT Wife

Sometimes I feel like I’m married to a firefighter. Hubby may not drive around town in a big red truck putting out raging fires, but as an IT guy, he’s the one who comes running whenever something technical goes up in flames in the corporate world. He’s the guy who might have received a phone call during his honeymoon because rolling blackouts at home shut all the company’s servers down. He’s the one who may have gotten a call on Thanksgiving from an employee working in Singapore who forgot it was a national holiday in the States that day. He’s also likely the one who missed dinner with his family on his wife’s birthday because he was stuck at work trying to resolve yet another issue (but to put things into perspective, he was hours late for his own birthday dinner a few years ago due to work). 😛

Suffice it to say, being married to an IT guy can be challenging at times.

Image courtesy of dan/

Image courtesy of dan/

I don’t share all this to complain about hubby’s job, although I’m sure life would be different if he were in a calmer line of work. I also don’t share this to brag about how understanding and patient and supportive I am because if I had all those awesome qualities, I would be polishing my halo right now instead of trying to find it. 😉 The reason I’m giving you a sneak peak into the secret life of an IT wife is because I know there are couples struggling in their marriages right now with whatever issues they are going through, and the struggle is real.

I wish I had some great insight into how to better communicate with your spouse or how to keep your love burning strong, but I’m still learning “on the job”, too. But one thing I did realize this week while hubby was dealing with a company phone issue and later on, an email issue, was that I didn’t truly understand what work was like for him on a daily basis. It didn’t hit me until one afternoon during one of C’s massive meltdowns over a homework assignment. Thanks to E (and the power of sibling rivalry), she had gotten thrown off while counting for a math problem, and promptly began wailing at the top of her lungs in frustration. As if to prove she might one day consider a career as an opera singer, she raised her volume up two notches and her range another octave. By the time her cantata was over, my ears were ringing and my blood pressure was off the charts.

That evening when hubby was venting about the issues he had faced at work that day and feeling the pain of an oncoming migraine, I suddenly got a peek into his world. For a moment I understood what it was like to walk in his shoes. The overwhelming level of frustration, anger and anxiety I experienced during C’s “performance” gave me a glimpse of the emotional stuff he faces at work EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I told him, “I get it now. It’s like you’re constantly dealing with tantrums and meltdowns at work.”

He smirked and joked back, “Yes, I have a lot of kids to deal with.”

Boy, he sure does, and those “kids” aren’t even half as cute as ours are (even when they’re singing opera).

Sigh. Poor hubby. The struggle out there in the working world is real. So real, that it sometimes a lot of the times follows him home and places a strain on us, our family life and our marriage. But instead of letting the stress and busyness divide us, I’m learning to choose empathy. I’m finding ways to better support hubby as he fights fires. I try to make his life sweeter, even if it means spending half an hour with wrinkly hands submerged in a bowl of water in order to deseed four pomegranates, hubby’s favorite winter fruit (FYI, some people prefer the spoon method). We’re both learning to lean on God more and to rest in His saving grace. And we sneak in as much time as possible whenever we can to catch up and support each other throughout the day with a text message or two.


All this yummy goodness, and hubby gobbled it up in like 2 days! 😛

The secret life of an IT wife may not be a glamorous one, but it’s the one I have and the one I’ll make the best out of … because the IT guy I’m married to is worth it.

Lastly, I want to give a shout-out to all the amazing wives of those in uniform who fight literal fires, chase real bad guys and put their lives on the line each day to protect others. You ladies have my deepest respect, admiration and gratitude.

Take a listen to Beyonce’s song, “Halo”, a reminder that we can all wear a “halo” and show grace to the people in our lives.

Who has been a source of strength and support for you? Who have you been there for?


  1. Amy Graham says:

    I loved this post. And I totally relate…my hubby works as a physical therapist on the nuero rehab floor at a hospital. Every day, he works with many people who have had strokes, brain injuries, etc….traumatic life events.For many, their life will never be what it was. It is emotionally taxing for him to see the devastation this causes to his patients, as well as their families. He does love seeing patients make progress, and being able to help them reach goals and milestones they didn’t think were possible, but every day is emotionally tiring. And, physically he gets worn out–he lifts many patients every day out of beds and wheel chairs, and it’s not uncommon for them to weigh twice as much as he does! Plus he leaves the house around 6:00 am. So, he comes home physically exhausted. Anyway, it helps me to keep this in mind when he gets home. He feels the need to shut down and veg, and I’m desperate for adult conversation and a little help after a long day with my 3 year old and 1 year old. Cause motherhood is emotionally and physically exhausting too! (especially since I’m 6 months pregnant! ha!) But, we both try to reach out to each other, and sometimes we do better at this than at other times. Anyway, I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I guess having a loving partnership with a spouse means putting forth a little extra effort when you feel like just checking out and vegging–like when he listens to me vent about potty training and does the dishes after dinner, or when I scratch his back for 15 minutes and fold the laundry so he has clean clothes for the next day. 🙂 And then we can veg together (like watching The Voice!…I draw the line at watching football with him…haha) It’s the little things. 🙂

    • mamaho says:

      Aw Amy, thank you so much for sharing your story! When I wrote this post I was wondering what other wives go through and it helps to hear we’re not alone in the struggle. Oh my, I have so much respect for your hubby for what he does and also for you to be holding down the fort at home. Marriage really is about teamwork and pushing through the tough times together to make it work, back-scratching and venting and all! 😉 And yes, yay for The Voice! 🙂

Leave a Reply