kids

Lessons on Letting My Kids Face Challenges

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When I met C outside school a few weeks ago, I noticed she wasn’t her usual peppy self. She dragged her feet along the sidewalk like she was trudging through mud, and plopped down on the concrete bench next to me with the weight of the world on her small shoulders. I tried to ask what was wrong, but she only answered me with a pout. It wasn’t until half an hour after we got home that she handed me a note detailing her woes:

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In case you aren’t familiar with first-gradernese, it reads: “I want to change schools before Thursday or skip Friday please. The jacket, it is bad because K said me and L are twins. Thanks, Mei (little sister).”

We proceeded to have a very long (according to E who was patiently waiting for me to help with homework) discussion about the two issues she wrote about. First, she didn’t want to go to school Friday because her class was having a Thanksgiving/Heritage Day potluck, and her teacher said the kids would need to introduce their dishes using the language of their cultural heritage. Keep in mind, C’s first language was Mandarin and she was speaking 11 word sentences by the time she was 18 months old. And I was only planning on making fried rice, which is only 2 words long. But, it’s been a while (sigh!) since either one of the munchkins have spoken Mandarin fluently, so she was pretty anxious about speaking it in front of her teacher, her classmates and their parents.

Now, the second issue involved a new fuzzy purple jacket I bought for her … which happened to be the same fuzzy purple jacket as another girl, L, in her class. As a result, one of her friends, K, started teasing her that she and L were twins, and refused to sit with C at lunch.

Aiya, right?

I thanked C for telling me what was on her mind, and we started troubleshooting the problems one by one. The first one was fairly simple; we practiced saying the words …

Chao Fan (aka. Fried Rice)

Chao Fan (aka. Fried Rice)

throughout the week until she was comfortable with them. It turned out, she didn’t even need to say the dish in Chinese, but it was a good mini lesson anyway. 😉

The latter issue, however, was much more troublesome and worrisome (or rather, trouble-most and worri-most because honestly, it troubled and worried me a lot!). When C told me about K (and also T) not wanting to sit with her, my heart fell. I could only think about the times I was bullied or felt left out as a kid. I absolutely did NOT want C to go through that. My initial reaction (and also hubby’s when I told him about this) was to say, “We’ll get you a new jacket!” Getting a new non-fuzzy non-purple jacket was sure to solve the problem, right? Actually, not right. It might make things better temporarily, but rescuing C from this conflict wouldn’t help her in the long run … especially when she faced another situation like this again.

Sigh. Double SIGH. (This was one of those times I wished some over-protective parent out there would invent a kid-sized bubble cause I’d be the first one to buy it.)

Even though I desperately wanted to take the easy way out to protect my little girl, I took a deep breath and put on my big girl pants. I told C to sit with her other friends for now, and that K would likely stop teasing her after a while. I tried going the logical route and said, “She’s being silly. Doesn’t she know you all wear the same clothes (uniforms) already?” She replied with an even more logical answer, “Yeah, how can we be twins? We don’t even look the same.” (No kidding, L is blonde!)

LOL. You go, girl! 🙂

This was when I knew she would be okay. Fuzzy purple jacket aside, C is learning how to think for herself and to stand strong in the face of  challenges. It’s definitely not pleasant for me to watch her experience these growing pains, but I’m thankful I can walk alongside her and help her through them. ‘Cause that’s what my job as her mom is about. I can’t put her in a bubble or prevent her from getting scraped and bruised. But I can be there to sit with her, tend to her wounds, and nudge her back into the world … loved and lifted up and stronger than before.

I love the passion in this song by Demi Lovato, “Skyscraper”. It’s all about rising above our circumstances and standing strong in the face of challenges.

Who or what has helped you stand strong in the face of challenges?

#momfail

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Last night I was putting C to bed when she turned to me and asked in her innocent munchkin voice, “When I was dizzy, why did you just pat me?”

Oooo-kay.

Flashback to a few weeks ago. C had woken up one morning feeling like the whole house was moving (which could be possible since we live in earthquake territory). We guessed she had caught some kind of bug that was making her seasick on land. The poor girl couldn’t even sleep because the dizziness got worse whenever she closed her eyes. 🙁 So there we were, the two of us on the bed with me trying to console her by rubbing (or in her words, patting) her on the back.

“I don’t know. I thought it would help,” I answered sheepishly.

She continued giving me a talking-to. “You should have given me a bowl.”

“Okay,” I acknowledged. (To my credit, I did get her a tupperware bowl from the kitchen later on when it looked like she might lose the contents of her stomach.)

“You should know,” she admonished. “You’re a mom.”

Ooh, ouch. Can we say #momfail? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Who did C think I was? Superwoman? A mind-reader? Apparently, neither. She just thinks I’m a mom.

Her mom.

And as her mom, I wanted to tell her I’m only human. I’ve never done this before, and by “this”, I mean the whole mamahood thing. The crazy and wonderful “be responsible for raising a person” gig. For the past 9+ years, I’ve been learning every day on the job and it’s been a steep learning curve. Some Most times I don’t say or do the right thing, and I know I could do better.

Yes, dear daughter, I am a mom. And there’s obviously a lot I don’t know, but I’m taking notes (thank you, little teacher).

There are some things I do know though. Mamahood is easier when I admit I don’t know everything. My heart stretches and expands when I am open to hearing you and learning from you. As you are gentle and patient with me, I grow in my gentleness and patience for you. Being a mom has been the most terrifying and humbling experience of my life; it has also been the most impactful. Honestly, I’m a better person because of you (and E).

And the most important thing I know is this: You are mine, and I am yours.

What an honor it is to be a mom.

Your mom.

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My superhero daughter. 🙂

Take a listen to this beautiful song about mamahood by Mindy Gledhill, “Hourglass”. It was introduced to me by fellow mama blogger Amy of Swag on Momma.

How have your relationships with your parents and/or children shaped you?

The Four Upsides to Sibling Rivalry

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Often times people who see my munchkins interact will comment, “They get along well, don’t they?” to which I will reply, “When they do, they do, but when they don’t …” This last part always ends in an ominous tone and is accompanied by an expression much like this one:

Image courtesy of danitiny2013/deviantart.com

Image courtesy of danitiny2013/deviantart.com

I hate sibling rivalry with a passion (especially after witnessing lots of it over the summer), but I have to admit I do appreciate the many teaching moments it provides (which I can peacefully and quietly reflect upon now that school is back in session). 🙂

Here are four upsides to sibling rivalry:

1. Learning to express yourself. Both E and C know how to speak their mind and express their emotions when they get annoyed, frustrated and impatient with each other. I consider this a plus because they aren’t afraid of conflict and they don’t stuff their feelings or opinions inside. They have a voice and they know how to use it.

2. Developing a thick skin. With all the name-calling and insults thrown around, E and C have learned to not take what the other says about them too personally. They have also learned to stand up for themselves.

3. Calling out bullying behavior. These positive aspects of sibling rivalry only come through when there’s a referee (aka. parent) overseeing the “battle”. E and C have learned from me and hubby what things are okay to say or do and when they cross the line into bullying (which are good lessons they can apply at school).

4. Learning how to make up. Getting the bickering between siblings to stop is only half the battle. The other, more important part, is teaching them how to make up. E and C understand the benefits of apologizing, forgiving, cooperating and trying again, and they practice them often (which is something we all need to know how to do).

So for all the times that my two munchkins drive each other crazy, I remind myself of the many times that they get along well. Such as last weekend when the two of them offered to pluck my white hair. Five minutes into the ordeal, I heard E say to C, “How about I find them and you pull them?” to which she heartily agreed, “Okay!” Five more minutes later, they had freed 19 white hairs from my head and put a smile on my face.

So yes, they not only fight well, they work together well, too. 😀

Side note: Eyebrow pluckers work great for pulling white hair!

Speaking of making-up, here’s Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds”. It’s probably not the happiest song to pick for this post, but it’s one of my favorites.

Apologizing, forgiving and cooperating – which of these do you want to do better at?

Learning to Speak Up

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On one of our recent visits to the library, C pointed to a boy and informed me, “He took E’s book.” It turns out that E had been handing her a book when it got intercepted by a small chubby hand. E, being the person that he is, remained silent and didn’t react. Meanwhile, C, being the much more feisty person that she is, instructed me to retrieve the book.

Aiya. Do I have to? I thought to myself.

First of all, I don’t like talking to strangers unless absolutely necessary and secondly, I dislike confrontation even more. So for me to approach someone – even a 3 foot someone – and point out the error of his ways had me shaking in my boots (summertime) flip flops.

Image courtesy of quickmeme.com

Image courtesy of quickmeme.com

As I debated what to do, I knew I had two choices. I could let the incident slide or I could speak up. The obvious answer was to go with door #2, but the problem is that I have always been a door #1 kind of girl.

Memories flashed through my mind of all the times I should have spoken up, but didn’t. Like in elementary school when a friend ordered me to play the part of a horse so she could ride around on my back. Or the time the dentist noticed tears forming in the corners of my eyes during my wisdom teeth extraction and realized I needed more anesthesia. Looking back, I know I should have expressed my feelings and needs in those situations, but I stuffed them down instead. The child me (and even the young adult me) didn’t believe I had the right to speak up, but the adult me is realizing that I do.

And the mama me really wants my kids to know they can always speak up, too.

So I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and walked over to the little boy. I told him, “My son was giving that to his sister” and pointed to the book in his hands. He looked up at me and handed the book over without a single word. I clutched the book like a trophy and delivered it to C, all the while wishing I could high-five myself. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. And one I am building upon as I grow braver and stronger each day.

Take a listen to this cover by Boyce Avenue of John Mayer’s song, “Say”. The lyrics say so much:

Walkin’ like a one man army
Fightin’ with the shadows in your head
Livin’ out the same old moment
Knowin’ youd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say

In what ways have you grown braver and stronger?

Showing Kindness to 200 Kids

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What a week! 🙂

For five days I helped assemble breakfast, snack and lunch for 80+ first to sixth graders at an academic camp put on by our church. And let me tell you, it was tiring, but a blast.

Here are some of the snacks we served – can you guess what the theme was? (Hint: Something that’s related to tents, campfires and the great outdoors.)

I found out recently that our school district only has one summer school site for the entire district, which means each school can only send one or two kids from each grade to attend. There are so many kids who need the academic help that summer school offers, but they can’t get in! This is why some teachers from our church decided to put this summer camp together for the underprivileged kids in our community. Last year we served close to 100 kids on one campus, and this year we expanded to two campuses! By God’s grace, we were able to reach out to almost 200 kids in all.

Each child who came was touched by the registration folks, the group leaders, the teachers (for science, reading/writing, math, PE, crafts and music) and the food crew. They received one-on-one attention and were affirmed on how valuable and loved they are. Over the course of the week, the kids really opened up and blossomed. One child who showed up on Monday was so quiet and shy that she needed her group leader to speak for her, but by Thursday she had gained the confidence and courage to sing a solo in front of her whole music class! This was just one of many stories I heard over the week that proved it’s possible to make a huge impact on children in a short, but meaningful time.

As part of the food prep team, I particularly enjoyed seeing the kids’ smiles when they received a meal or even for something as small as a carton of milk. These are kids who don’t have much (a couple of them live in motels), but they were so polite and thankful and enthusiastic. It really made my day to know I could play a role in helping their minds and bodies be ready to learn and grow.

I ended the week with this quote on my mind:kind

Life is hard, so let us be kind to one another. Even a smile can go a long way. I know the smiles the kids gave me this week made a big dent in my heart and will stay in my memory for a long time.

Here’s a short clip of the kids singing Josh Groban’s song, “You Raise Me Up” for their families on the last day of camp. 🙂 May these little ones inspire you to raise someone up with your kind words and actions.

How have you shown kindness to others recently? How has someone’s act of kindness made a difference in your life?

PB & J Review: Hooway for Wodney Wat & “Thankfulness Song Medley”

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Happy Friday! 🙂

It’s been a while since I did a Picture Book & Jam Review. There are so many good children’s books out there; it’s just hard to choose one to share. But today’s picks are too good not to share! (FYI: As I mentioned in my last post, I don’t get any compensation from these reviews.)

Picture Book Review: Hooway for Wodney Wat should be called Hooray for Rodney Rat, but the main character Rodney has trouble pronouncing his “R’s”. This is a clever, literally laugh-out-loud book that the munchkins love reading over and over again (seriously, it doesn’t get old, even for me).

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The book deals with the topics of fitting in, bullying and overcoming challenges. It is written by Helen Lester and illustrated by Lynn Munsinger, a dynamic book duo who produce the most entertaining books. I know without a doubt that any story by these ladies is worth the read. You can listen to Hooway for Wodney Wat online at this cool website that reads books aloud (though the video isn’t clear enough to see the illustrations). To see the book in its full glory, purchase it here on Amazon.com or check it out at your local library.

Side note: You’ll also want to check out the Tacky the Penguin books by Lester and Munsinger, which feature a penguin who does everything in a tacky way to the horror of his buddies Goodly, Lovely, Angel, Neatly and Perfect – don’t you love those names, haha! You can get a look at one of the books in this video that’s super clear and fun to watch.

Jam Review: The “Thankfulness Song Medley” is from Veggie Tales, which has produced some of the silliest songs ever known to mankind. This song however is more on the serious side and highlights the important attitude of gratitude. I didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics until one day I heard C singing, “Because a thankful heart is a happy heart” from the backseat and I was like “yeah, man!”. It’s short and catchy and sweet.

Do you have a picture book or kiddie song you’d recommend?

Important Life Lessons From Kindergarten

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‘Tis the season for mixed emotions! The exhilaration of school ending … the fear of a non-scheduled summer vacation … and the bittersweetness of graduation.

The last emotion was what I felt yesterday as I helped C into a frilly and sparkly dress and tied the gold ribbon behind her back. It was with pride that I watched her enter the auditorium with a blue cap balanced on her head. And it was with a twinge of sadness that I hugged her after the ceremony and said, “Good job, baby!”, to which she promptly replied, “I’m not a baby!”

But she’ll always be my baby, even though she is now a kindergarten graduate. 🙂

I am so thankful for all the teachers out there who invest their time and hearts into making a difference in the world – one child at a time. I am especially thankful for C’s kindergarten teacher (who had been E’s, too) who helped me see a different side of my munchkin. During the graduation, Mrs. C handed out a certificate to each student with a character trait that she thought represented them the best. I had been looking forward to this part of the ceremony and hearing C’s personalized trait. Would it be helpfulness or kindness? Or maybe joyfulness?

Nope.

Mrs. C chose gentleness.

*Insert open-mouthed expression here.*

Haha. In all honesty, the trait of gentleness had never crossed my mind. The C I know and love is spunky with a capital S. She sets her mind to do something and doesn’t let anything stop her. She is expressive and loud like a firecracker. Mild and meek, she is not.

But Mrs. C mentioned that C treats the other kids in her class with gentleness. And that when it is her turn to be the “calendar person” and she pokes her in the arm with the stick that she is supposed to be using to point at the date on the wall, she does it gently. LOL. (And yes, she is the only kid who has ever dared to poke Mrs. C – I tell ya, she’s spunky!)

My gentle, spunky munchkin!

My gentle, spunky munchkin!

Mrs. C also shared the following poem with all the parents: “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum. It’s a sweet reminder of what’s important in life.

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life –
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

May we all strive to live out these lessons from kindergarten. 🙂

Check out this new song by Jessie J., “Flashlight”, that has a graduation feel to it. Hope you have a wonderful time celebrating the graduates in your lives!

What life skill from the kindergarten poem do you want to incorporate into your life?

Conversations with a 6 Year Old about Relationships

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C was in the middle of her bedtime routine when she asked me, “Do you love Po Po (maternal Grandma) and Gong Gong (maternal Grandpa) more or Bob (aka. Baba) more?”

In the mirror I saw her head tilt up as she looked at me, the top of her three foot frame nearly reaching my shoulders thanks to the stool she stood on. Her big brown eyes sparkled with intensity, waiting for an answer.

Hm? What was she getting at? And why do I always get asked the strange/deep/unanswerable questions?

Humph. But as any parent (and therapist) knows, when you don’t have an answer to a question, you keep your cool and do the ‘ole switcheroo. So I asked the question back, “Who do you think I love more?”

She replied without hesitation (because as usual C already had it all figured out and was just testing me!), “Bob, of course. Because without Bob, you wouldn’t have me and E.”

Hee hee. Of course. 🙂

Although her 6 year old logic had some flaws, she was right about one thing. Life is all about relationships.

No matter who we are, where we come from or where we’re going, we are all connected to other people. Our parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, children, neighbors, classmates, coworkers, friends, enemies, strangers … the list goes on and on, especially if you include social networking.

My conversation with C got me thinking that as much as I’m an introvert and prefer to be alone, I am a better person because of the relationships I have. (I may have groaned as I typed that last sentence.)

The hardest things I have had to learn have happened because of other people’s presence and influence on my life. I’m talking about the processes of acceptance, forgiveness and trust. There’s also the acts of sharing, cooperation and encouragement. To put it simply, it’s the lessons of learning how to get along that have built my character. (Okay, I did groan this time, haha.)

As complicated and messy and tiring as relationships can be, we would not be who we are without them. And I firmly believe the people we have in our lives are there for a reason.

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What’s that reason? It’s the four letter word that seems to weave itself through all of our relationships: LOVE.

It’s a sense of belonging that we all want and need. It’s the idea that C has that she and E are important to me, which is why I should love their Baba more than their grandparents. I didn’t mention to her that without my parents, I wouldn’t be around to have kids, but that’s beside the point. What I did say to her at the end of our conversation was this: “I love God the most because He gave all of you to me.”

And maybe that was a cop-out answer or the most brilliant answer I could have given, but it is what I know to be true. I am thankful for all the people that God has brought to cross my path. I may not always act like it (especially when I just want some peace and quiet!), but my world is so much richer because of all the relationships – close and far, in person and online – that I have had the privilege of meeting and doing life with.

So, here’s wishing you all a wonderful weekend of being with the people you love, especially the moms in your life this Sunday. 🙂

And here’s a fun parody of the song “American Boy” by Only Won & Larissa Lam called “Cantonese Boy”. I picked it in light of C’s answer to her own question (that I should love hubby more) and also because I just celebrated 14 years of marriage with my own Cantonese boy. 🙂

Who are the people in your life that you are sure crossed your path for a reason? 

Conversations with a 6 Year Old About Good Friday

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The other day C handed me a picture she had spent several minutes drawing and coloring. My eyes grew wide when I glanced at the lined notebook paper. I had been expecting her usual trademark chicken pictures, but this time she had drawn something completely different. On the paper were three brown crosses with a man hanging on the middle one.

“Oh! It’s Jesus,” I remarked in surprise. “What a wonderful picture.”

She nodded and then commented, “I didn’t know how to draw His mouth.”

At first I didn’t know what C meant; she’s known how to draw faces since preschool. Then it dawned on me that she didn’t know whether to draw a line curving up or down.

Because considering the circumstances, death on a cross was one of the most painful, excruciating, and shameful ways to die. Yet, Jesus willingly accepted all of the physical, emotional and spiritual torture that went with it for one reason: His love for us.

I’m not sure whether or not a 6 year old understands the theology behind Jesus’ emotional state on the cross, but C’s picture does shed some light on how complex, deep and heart-wrenching Jesus’ sacrifice for us must have been.

It is just as Hebrews 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Shame versus joy. Or rather, shame mixed with joy. That was how Jesus viewed the cross.

And this was how I replied to C’s comment, “It is kind of complicated. It was painful for Jesus to die on the cross, but He was happy to do it because He loves us.”

Even though the day Jesus died was the darkest, most depressing Friday in all history, it paved the way to the most glorious, awesome Sunday three days later. That’s why today is called GOOD Friday.

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C’s pictures: Good Friday on the left; Easter on the right!

So happy Good Friday to you all! May you have a wonderful Easter Sunday, too.

Now enjoy this contemporary take on one of my favorite hymns, “The Wonderful Cross”, sung here by Chris Tomlin.

How do you view Jesus’ death on the cross?

 

 

PB & J Review: Just A Duck? & “I’m A Nut”

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Happy Friday! 🙂

I’m starting a new blog post series called “PB & J” Reviews, which stands for “Picture Book & Jam (think music) Reviews”. I read up to 25 books to the munchkins on a weekly basis and I also listen to kiddie music every single day (semi-groan), so I thought I’d share some fun finds that are worth your time to check out. (And just FYI, I don’t get anything from doing these reviews; I’m just sharing these products because I like them.) So here we go!

Picture Book Review: Today’s picture book is Just A Duck? by Carin Bramsen. You can buy it here on Amazon.com or check it out at your friendly neighborhood library (which is where we get all our books for free!). What drew me to this book were the pictures. For example:

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You really need to see this book up close and personal to get the full WOW effect!

Not only are the pictures amazingly cute, they are so life-like. The duck’s fur just pops out from the page and the water droplets look real enough to make you want to grab an umbrella! The story, about a duck who thinks he is a cat, is just as charming and engaging. As you can guess, C (and her chick) loved the book. This would be a great springtime read for toddlers and kindergarteners.

Jam Review: Today’s jam is “I’m A Nut”. This is a short song told from the perspective of an acorn (hence the title). I think E and C like it simply for the one line, “I’m a nut.” 🙂 I like listening to it in the car on those days the munchkins drive me a little nutty. 😉

Let me know what you think of today’s PB & J Review!

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