An Unexpected Trip to the ER and a Confession

by mamaho // August 31, 2014 // 2 Comments

My family and I had the pleasure of taking a short weekend getaway to a nearby beach town last weekend. It was the four of us, plus my parents and sister and brother-in-law. One weekend together staying in a quaint house should have equaled semi-rest and relaxation (after all, we had babysitters on hand); what we didn’t expect however was that it would also include a visit to the ER.

Hubby, the kids and the grandparents had settled themselves comfortably on a stretch of sand while my sister and bro-in-law had gone boogie boarding. I had been given the task of buying some beach toys because we of course had forgotten to bring our whole stash of shovels, pails and molds from home. I had just made the purchase and was returning my wallet to my purse when I decided to check my phone.

Three missed calls and one voicemail?!?! I had not even been gone for ten minutes. What could be wrong?

As I walked out of the store, I listened to the message from my mom and heard the worry in her voice as she said, “T dislocated his shoulder again! He needs to go to the hospital!”

My thought process went something like this:

AIYA! But they barely got into the water! It was probably a foreshadowing of things to come when T joked, “It was nice knowing you” right before he headed off towards the ocean. Oh dear! Where, what, how …?!?!

After a series of calls and missed calls, I finally reached my mom who told me hubby and the kids had driven our bro-in-law and my sister to the ER. I met up with my parents, and we decided to walk the 1.3 miles back to our rental house, two boogie boards and an unopened bag of sand toys in tow.

The thirty minute stroll (which could have taken twenty minutes had we thought to take a shortcut via a bridge) gave us a good opportunity to enjoy the warm sunshine. It also provided a rare chance for my parents and I to chat, just the three of us. So there we were, looking very touristy with Google maps open on my phone, walking single file up and down the narrow streets when my dad called up to me, “I told Mommy when you got married that I was worried it wouldn’t work out.”

Later on when I shared my dad’s confession with hubby, he also said, without batting an eye, “I was worried, too.”

Hm … Was I the only person who had ~~optimistically~~ naively thought our dating relationship, and subsequent marriage, would have a happily ever after?

Apparently, yes. 😉

You may be wondering what all the fuss was about? Well, let’s just say that hubby and I are very different in a lot of areas, personality and dating histories being two of them. Throw in some concerned family and friends to the mix, and well, you’ve got some legitimately concerned family and friends.

Looking back, I can say I was 100% sure of my decision to marry hubby. But frankly speaking, my confidence came from a lot of unrealistic notions of love and marriage. Beliefs such as: troubles will never come our way; we will always feel loving towards each other; and we’ll always have a happy relationship (yes, I’ve needed to wean myself from an “all or nothing” mentality over the years). What I learned in the days following our wedding was the complete opposite: all couples will face troubles; there will be times when you dislike each other; and there will be plenty of moments when you drive each other bananas.

Isn’t this a cute group of bananas?

The years leading up to today have included many such doses of reality. But as an older friend at church (with eleven years of marriage under his belt compared to our one at the time) once told us, “It gets better.”

It does?! If so, when? And how? His comment left me with some doubt, but also with some hope.

But he was right. Marriage does get better. With time, you really get to know your spouse, his way of thinking, doing and planning (or not planning). You grow to trust each other more. You learn to not take things so personally. You try to become a better lover and friend.

The key is that it takes time. Time to change and to see change happen. So it’s important that we be patient with our spouses and with ourselves. Our marriages are a work in progress because we are a work in progress.

On that note, my dad followed up on his confession during our walk with this: “I see how happy your (and your sister’s) marriages are and I’m not worried anymore.”

Whew. 🙂

Here’s Alicia Keys’ song, “If I Ain’t Got You“, a sappy, but powerful love song. 😉

In what ways have you seen a relationship or marriage improve over the years?

P.S. Our brother-in-law got his shoulder relocated at the hospital (his 7th time!) and has now learned how to do it himself should it ever happen again. 😛

Parenting Unlike a Duck

by mamaho // July 12, 2014 // No Comments

Whoever said everything changes after you have kids was right! Not only does this saying apply to your priorities, waistline, bank account, and number of brain cells, it also holds true for definitions of some words and phrases.

Take for example the word vacation. B.K. (before kids), going on vacation likely meant moonlit walks on the beach or hours hiking up and down beautiful mountains or visiting historic/artsy museums for days on end. But vacationing A.K. (after kids) takes on a whole new meaning. Vacationing with kids involves throwing in a pack ‘n play, dozens of diapers and wipes, a boatload of fruit snacks, adhering to nap and meal schedules, and all the other stuff you normally do when you’re at home. So essentially the vacation you planned for months and looked forward to is really life in a different place (but hopefully a scenic place). 😉

Also, think about the phrase sleeping in. When I was in college, sleeping in meant first staying up way past my bedtime the night before and waking up close to lunchtime the day after. Sleeping in A.K. however is a little similar in some ways. You still get to stay up late or be woken up several times during the night by a little person who is teething or feverish or just wants to party, but you’re lucky if you get to sleep till 7AM the next day. These days when I open my eyes in the morning and see any digit after 6, I’m a happy camper. Oh, how life has changed. 🙂

Recently I’ve been pondering another phrase that has been radically redefined since I had kids: running errands. I don’t know about you, but when I’m on my own, I can attack 4-5 different stores within the span of 1 hour; the longer my shopping list is, the faster I run. But I’ve learned that running errands A.K. never involves running, unless it’s running to the nearest bathroom after a certain child has downed a bottle of water. Shopping with my munchkins means speed walking and looking back every so often to make sure the kids are still following me.

I was doing this exact activity the other day – “running” errands with E and C at Costco – when a realization hit me.

Image courtesy of EA/freedigitalphotos.net

I always thought it was cute to see a mama duck with her ducklings trailing behind her, but now I wonder if that’s how parenting is supposed to work. Of course I’m not a bird (even though I gave birth to a girl who loves them), so I can’t speak for bird parents, but I’m thinking in the context of human parents. Let me explain …

As an adult, I thought patience was one of my stronger suits … until I had children. Then I realized I am anything but patient. I’m forever wanting, hoping, praying that my kids will grow up. That they will learn how to do things on their own. That they won’t have to rely on me to wipe their behinds or feed them or cut their nails. That they will walk faster, have the physical dexterity to keep cups from spilling, and communicate with words instead of kicks.

I realize now that I spend a lot of my days as a parent walking ahead of my kids, like a mama duck, when I should actually be walking beside them.

In the effort of focusing my energy on checking off a to-do list, I’ve forgotten the more important priorities in life, like the people I’m leading. They’re the ones with little hands that need holding, little feet that need to take double the steps to keep up with mine, little eyes that are curious about everything they see, little minds that need compassion and care to face this great, big world.

If I am to lead and mold and love my kids, I need to slow down. Slow down enough to look them in the eyes when they talk. To listen patiently to their many questions and answer them as best as I can. To understand the things that are important to them (even if it’s the name of their favorite Pokemon) and to make those things important to me.

Because being a kid is hard. But we adults have been there and we’re the best ones to help them navigate their way. 🙂

P.S. I had many opportunities to walk beside kids this past week at an academic camp I was helping with. It was a wonderful experience, one that left me with little time to sit in front of a computer (hence the lateness of this post!), but one I will treasure forever.

For some reason the Spice Girls’ song, “Stop” came to mind as I wrote this post. I think the chorus applies well. 😉

Which kids in your life have you had the joy of walking beside?

Multi-tasking = An Overtaxed Brain

by mamaho // June 6, 2014 // No Comments

There comes a point in your life (likely when you’ve reached the summit of the proverbial hill) when you start diagnosing your own medical issues. This happened to me about a month ago when I began doing research (aka. googling) on some of the “symptoms” I seemed to be exhibiting. I brought up my suspicions with my doctor at a routine check-up and this was the gist of our conversation …

Me: “I think my thyroid levels might be low. Is that what’s causing my high cholesterol, slight weight gain in the past year and my fuzzy brain? I have a hard time remembering simple words that I want to use.”

Doc (with a matter-of-fact look): “No, your levels are normal. Your brain is probably just overtaxed. It happens a lot to people who multi-task, like women. We try to take care of the house, a job, the kids, etc. It’s a lot for your brain to juggle.”

Hmm. No kidding.

I came away from that appointment a bit relieved that my hormones were in sync (though disappointed that I now had to blame my weight gain on the extra sweets I had been eating, haha), but also concerned that I might never get my brain back to normal. Because I’ll be the first one to admit that I am great at multi-tasking. I’m talking about being able to nurse a newborn and cut a napping toddler’s hair at the same time. Being able to listen – and absorb – most of what two little individuals are simultaneously telling me and have an answer for both of them. Simply put, I’m a “doing a load of laundry while cooking dinner while wiping a child’s bottom while opening the mail while crafting my next article in my head while feeding the pet guinea pigs while unloading the dishwasher” kind of multi-tasker. (All you moms out there know I’m only slightly exaggerating!)

Even though I may pride myself on being able to do a bazillion things at once, I have to say the time has come when I’m starting to question whether or not I really want to be a chicken. You know the one I’m talking about – the chicken running around with its head cut off. That’s not a pretty image to conjure up, literally or figuratively.

Couldn’t find a picture of a headless chicken running, so this will have to do! 🙂

It’s been gradually dawning on me that my brain might really be overtaxed. I realized this when I forgot to pay a credit card bill on time – two months in a row. And the other week when I picked up a pot of tea and almost poured what I thought was soy sauce into the dish of wasabi I was using for my sushi. And most recently, this morning when I woke up and for the life of me could not remember the name of an acquaintance hubby and I were just talking about last night. (It finally came to me ten minutes later after I ran through a whole list of names in my head.)

Sigh, I think it’s safe to say that we have all wandered around like a headless chicken before. Maybe even in this moment you are feeling rather “fowly” as you attempt to simultaneously read this post, eat lunch and make a phone call or two. (I’ll admit I scheduled an orthodontist and an ophthalmologist appointment while I typed this up!) If so, it’s time to give our cerebrums a break.

Let’s remember to focus more on being, than doing. To remind ourselves that the world will not fall apart (and that thing or multiple things we have to do will still be waiting for us) if we take off our multi-tasking hats for a little while. For me, it was telling myself that it would be okay to write this blog post one day later than I meant to because sometimes schedules need to be thrown out the window. 😉

And just how do we rest our brains? Maybe by spending a few minutes unwinding with a good book. Going on a walk and listening to the birds sing. Turning on the radio and dancing like no one’s watching (even if you’re stuck in traffic). Setting aside some time at the start or end of the day to pray and just be still. Taking some deep breaths and pausing for a moment.

Ahh. I feel a little more rested just by thinking about resting. 🙂

So let’s try to slow down a bit today. Take a moment to rest and renew your brain. Cause if it’s headless poultry you’re after, it’d be best to take a trip to the market than to become one yourself.

Take a listen to Otis Redding’s “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay“, that reminds us to “waste our time” once in a while. Here’s also a cover of the same song by Sara Bareilles.

What do you do to rest your overtaxed brain?

Monday Mentionables: Famous Books, Homelessness & College Devotional

by mamaho // April 28, 2014 // No Comments

Hi everyone! Now that spring break is over, it looks like summer’s ready to show up. The forecast for later this week shows highs in the 90’s. I know this is California, but we might be breaking a few records for this kind of heat in April! 😛 Say, how’s the weather in your hometown?

Image courtesy of renjith krishnan/freedigitalphotos.net

Today’s mentionables are here:

1. Famous Books. I came across this list online of the most famous books set in every state of America. This is quite an eclectic list, featuring titles such as To Kill a Mocking Bird, A Walk to Remember (one of my favorites!), and the Twilight trilogy. Check it out here to see which book made your state famous.

2. Homelessness. This video addresses the question of whether the homeless have become invisible. I know for myself that it’s easy to walk past someone sitting on the street and not “see” them. But what if that person was someone you actually knew, such as a family member? I have personally known someone who lived on the street for a while and that experience has taught me that homelessness is a complicated matter. Each person who is caught in such a situation has a story and is somebody’s family member, whether it be an uncle, daughter, brother or parent. That’s the scenario set up in this video, which really may make you think twice about the next homeless person you encounter.

3. College Devotional. Calling all college students and parents or friends of college students! If you are interested in purchasing a devotional that addresses topics relevant to the undergraduate years, you may want to check out Rise. This is a daily devotional which I had the opportunity to write for and share the story of my struggle being the last single girl standing among my college roommates. It would make a good high school graduation gift – hint hint. 🙂

Alrighty, have a good week! 🙂

Monday Mentionables: Underwater Photos, Pie Crusts & Rice Crispy Treats

by mamaho // April 15, 2014 // No Comments

Happy Monday-before-tax-day! Argh, sigh, grr. 😉 Let’s just say that I am thrilled to be done with taxes – finally! 🙂 I feel like this calls for a celebration, don’t you? So, lift up your glass/mug/sippy cup (whatever you have on hand) and let’s toast to the next 365 days we have before the next tax day arrives. Clink!

I’m also celebrating the fact that E finished a major project for school – five days early! We spent Saturday afternoon working on a life-size replica of his rainforest animal of choice, the tarsier. Thank God for the hairy fabric and big, brown eyes we found at Joann’s, which made for a much more realistic creation.

Too bad we couldn’t find bigger eyes. 🙂

Moving on now to today’s mentionables:

1. Underwater Photos. I was very inspired by this story I read online about a photographer who overcame her aquaphobia by taking pictures of children – underwater. What a courageous and creative way of overcoming a fear! 🙂 The photos are very cute as well.

2. Pie Crusts. I LOVE pie crusts. I may or may not have baked one before to eat by itself (no filling necessary!). 😉 If you like pie crusts or pies in general, check out these 14 designs that will make your mouth water and your creative juices flow. I think #13 (made with cookie cutters) is pretty cute.

3. Rice Crispy Treats. If you want a dessert that is faster to make than pies, you may want to try rice crispy treats. Here are three ideas for adding even more snap, crackle and pop to these yummy bars. They may be the prettiest and easiest treats you’ll ever make.

Alrighty, have a beautiful week! 🙂

A Friend Who Loves at All Times

by mamaho // March 27, 2014 // No Comments

Image courtesy of Ambro/freedigitalphotos.net

The thing I appreciate most about the counselor-client relationship is the formality of it all. Both parties show up to each session with one goal in mind – to work on whatever issue needs to be dealt with to move on from unhealthiness to health. Such is not the case however among friends.

Friends share, vent and disclose information to one another (which is a wonderful thing), but friends may not necessarily do so with the intention of seeking a solution. Sometimes friends just need a listening ear, a non-judgmental heart and a warm embrace in their time of need. Sometimes friends need to play with fire and get burned. Sometimes friends just need you to get dirty with them when they are stuck in the muck.

Sigh.

I’m not sure if it’s the counselor part of me or the perfectionist side of me, but something in me wants to save people. To prevent them from getting hurt. To stop them from doing things they will regret. This desire comes in handy when I’m sitting in the therapist’s chair, but it produces a tangled, jumbled ball of frustration when I can only be a friend.

One thing I have learned over the years is that being a friend during the good times is easy and fun. Staying up late at night chatting about boys or going to the spa to get your nails done is great and a necessary aspect of friendship. But then there’s the “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17) side that is way more complicated. Why? Because it involves speaking the truth in love and letting go of the wish to micro-manage someone’s choices. Loving a friend at all times means just that – loving them through the back-and-forth struggles, the shocking revelations and the emotional messiness. Love means sticking around as the conflict unfolds, the story reaches its climax and hoping beyond hope that it arrives at a good resolution.

I am learning to be that kind of a friend. The process is pushing me way out of my comfort zone and making me squirm and scream at times, but my friends are worth it. Moreover, I find myself being even more grateful to have God to look to as the ultimate example of a friend who never gives up on us, but loves us completely and unconditionally.

Here’s The Fray’s “How to Save a Life“, a song which reveals the earnest desire to help a friend.

How have you learned to be a friend who loves at all times?

Parenting Lessons: Words vs. Actions

by mamaho // March 20, 2014 // 2 Comments

Whoever said, “Actions speak louder than words” obviously had children. How do I know this? Because the two little people who showed up on our doorstep one day and call me “MO-OM!” have made me painfully aware of every little thing I do.

I see my own actions in the way they talk to each other, in the words they use and more importantly, in the tone of voice they speak with. If they are more whiny or harsh than usual, it’s a good sign that I’m being more whiny and harsh than usual. Also, if they are being extra considerate and kind, it’s likely because hubby is home and treating them with consideration and kindness (and I am out doing some retail therapy, haha).

But something C said to me the other day really stopped me in my tracks. E and hubby were playing Mario downstairs and she had asked me to go upstairs with her to get a toy. As we were walking up the steps, I heard her sweet, innocent voice ask, “Do you want to do some work, Mom? I won’t bother you.”

I turned to her and immediately replied, “You don’t bother me! No, I don’t want to do work. We can snuggle!”

Her whole face lit up as if someone had turned on a fountain inside her body. Joy bubbled up and brightened her big brown eyes and her voice climbed up an octave. “Snuggle?! Okay!”

She grabbed my hand and soon after we sat on the couch with our arms wrapped around each other. No words, just a sweet time of being together.

That conversation with C made me think of just how much of what I say and do gets ingrained into her thoughts and beliefs. I cringe right now as I wonder how she got the notion in her head that she could be a bother to me. I don’t want my kids to ever think they burden, annoy or inconvenience me. But if you were to peek inside my heart during any given day, you would see the impatience and resentment I harbor there. And how those emotions spill out sometimes when I’m tired or frustrated. Which explains why C assumed I would rather spend time with a computer screen than with her.

Yikes. What a good wake up call.

There’s a verse from Proverbs that says:

It occurred to me that training up a child involves as much what we say as what we do. Do we emphasize the importance of listening, but pay more attention to our phones than our kids? Do we want our kids to understand grace and forgiveness, but criticize them when they do wrong? Do we tell kids to love each other, but neglect to spend time with them?

I am so guilty of all this and more! But I am also thankful for the chances I have to be made aware of my shortcomings. And to keep trying and growing into a better, more loving and gracious parent. A parent that E and C need and deserve.

This song by Steven Curtis Chapman, “One Little Heartbeat at a Time” is just what a tired mom needs to hear. 🙂

How do you use your words and actions to influence the kids in your life?

Monday Mentionables: Inspirational Stories

by mamaho // March 18, 2014 // No Comments

Hi everyone! I apologize for the lateness in getting this post up. It was a busy weekend with a preschool open house and a birthday party to attend – I feel like I’m only now catching my breath!

So before it becomes Tuesday, here are today’s mentionables, which I hope you will find inspirational and heart-warming.

1. Bus Shelter. This bus shelter set up by Duracell (the battery makers) is not powered by electricity, but by people. Check out this video of how human touch warmed up some Canadians in the middle of winter.

2. Homeless Shelter. This story featured on the Today show tells about a couple who both fell on hard times and happened to meet at a homeless shelter where they were staying. They eventually got back on their feet and moved out of the shelter, got married and started their own organization helping people stuck in the cycle of poverty. They even passed out food to people on the street on the day of their wedding. Check out their tale in this video.

3. Storm Shelter. This story is not about storms in the weather sense, but in the trouble sense. This CNN article (with video) features a teenager named Charles who faced and endured many dark days in his life with the help of his adoptive family. There are no words adequate enough to describe the love and strength his parents and siblings extended to him during his short life. Read and watch his powerful story here.

May these stories inspire us to love and reach out to others this week. Oh and Happy St. Patrick’s Day, too! 🙂

Image courtesy of lamnee/freedigitalphotos.net

Stuck in the Muck

by mamaho // March 14, 2014 // No Comments

I write a lot about change on this blog. This space is after all dedicated to makeovers of all kinds and the “befores” and “afters” surrounding change. I tend to focus on the “afters” in my posts because they are wonderful and whole and new, but it would be remiss of me if I didn’t also talk about the “befores”. So that’s what we’re going to do today.

(Now let’s roll up our sleeves and prepare to get dirty.)

Let me take you back to a day I remember well, my appointment with my very first client. I was a graduate student with many hours of classes under my belt, but absolutely no experience putting what I learned into practice (in other words, working with a real human being). I was half terrified/half curious about what it would be like to sit in the therapist’s chair. Thankfully, the young man I met that day looked just as unsure and nervous as I felt; we both entered the room with wide eyes and fidgety feet. I asked a lot of questions and he answered them. His reason for seeking counseling? To work through his experience of childhood molestation.

We started off that first session reliving in detail what had happened when he was five. Each session thereafter ended up being a replay of the previous one; we talked about what he did that week, how he struggled with depression and anxiety, and suggestions on what he could do to feel better. Over the course of several months, there were some “a-ha” moments, where he would connect his current self-destructive behaviors with his experiences from the past, however we never reached a major turning point. We kept circling around the same issues and the same behaviors over and over, like we were lost in the middle of a desert. Everywhere we turned, we saw the same thing – miles and miles of bare sand surrounded by an endless blue sky… and no way out.

Image courtesy of think4photop/freedigitalphotos.net

I think the whole experience was frustrating to say the least, for him and for me. It came to a point where I suggested putting the brakes on therapy after he had canceled a few sessions in a row. It became obvious to me (and my supervisor) that this client was – to put it in fancy counseling terms – stuck in the muck.

Unfortunately there’s no easy way to get unstuck. More often than not, it takes time, pain and more time to want to get out of a messy situation. It’s not that people don’t know they need to get out of the slime and filth they’re in; the truth is they would rather stay in it. When you’ve been covered from head to toe in mud and dirt, you get used to it. You don’t mind the wetness between your toes or the grime caked in your hair.

I couldn’t really blame my client for being stuck because I was stuck once, too. As a prerequisite for graduation, I had to fulfill 30 hours sitting in the client’s chair. I’m sure I more than likely frustrated my own (way more experienced and qualified) therapist as I kept “wandering in my own desert”. During one session she told me I needed to read a book which, according to my Amazon.com history, I purchased on October 24, 2003 (it’s scary how much the internet remembers!). The title of the book said it all – Hiding from Love: How to Change the Withdrawal Patterns that Isolate and Imprison You – and it said more than I wanted to hear at the time. So what did I do? I skimmed the first two chapters and then hid the book underneath my bed (real mature for a counseling student, I know!).

Being stuck is not fun, but it is a crucial part of the process of change. In order for things to get better, they have to get worse first. I’m talking about yucky, dirty, crazy, as low as you can go, bad. There will come a day when you’ve been sitting in the muck for so long that the mud has hardened. The sludge and waste you’ve accumulated over the years have finally weighed you down. You can no longer take a step forward because you are that stuck. Only when you get to that end of your rope – your long list of excuses, your facade and your self-medicating behaviors – will you be willing to crawl out of the muck.

But in the meantime, if you feel like you’re stuck in the muck – whether you’re dealing with an unhealthy and destructive way of thinking or behavior – sit a while and take it all in. Experience the ickiness and the pain that you’ve tried to keep hidden away by being busy. Allow yourself to feel. And may this awareness move you to make the decision to change.

This post was actually inspired by Bastille’s song “Pompeii“. The lyrics are a good analogy for being stuck in the muck.

Remember a time you were stuck in the muck. What motivated and helped you to get unstuck?

Shedding the Past

by mamaho // March 6, 2014 // 2 Comments

A friend and I were sharing over breakfast the other day how we feel like we finally know ourselves better. It’s taken 30-something odd years for us to know our likes/dislikes and everything else that makes us who we are, but here we are – older and wiser. 🙂

I used to think I’d have it all figured out by the time I turned 20. I mean, come on, 20 years is over 7,000 days. That should give you enough time to grow up and be your own person, right? But ironically, I think those first two decades (which we hope would mold us into adults) may actually be the years we need to shed before we can mature.

A girlfriend asked me recently, “Why do you feel like you have to be perfect?”

I answered, “It’s how I was raised.”

Let me correct that – it’s how I was born and raised. Genes definitely play a part in who I am. I can’t help but be organized, cautious and structured (just like my son). But the way I was raised really “did me in” and locked me into a box I’ve been trying to make my way out of the past few years.

Image courtesy of Stoonn/freedigitalphotos.net

I don’t have many memories of my childhood, but the ones I do have center mostly around the emotion of fear. Fear of speaking up, fear of the consequences if I didn’t conform, fear of being myself. One memory I do recall well happened when I was twelve. I had been eating breakfast at the kitchen counter under a fluorescent bulb. The sun had not yet broken through the dark sky outside the window. I heard the phone ring and thought it odd that someone would be calling at six in the morning. My mom answered and after a brief exchange, she came over with shock and sadness written on her face.

“Your cousin passed away.”

My teenage brain couldn’t digest this news. My dear cousin who was only 2 months younger than me had died. He had been my closest relative till then. My family had lived with his for a while after we immigrated to the U.S. and we had become good friends. Good enough friends that he once stuck a tic tac up his nostril in hopes of making me laugh.

The tears started falling as soon as I realized he was gone. My grandmother who lived with us at the time heard what had happened. She stood next to me, all five feet of her, and fixed her eyes on my face.

“Why are you crying?” she spit out, contempt dripping from every word. “Don’t cry.”

And just like that I wiped away my tears and tried to swallow the rest of my emotions down with my soggy cereal.

Now I don’t share this memory to paint my grandmother as a monster. She didn’t have an easy life, and circumstances (and likely genetics) played a part in making her who she was. She was in fact a very tough woman who raised four children after her husband passed away. She was also the person who raised me.

Knowing what I know now about child development and attachment and so forth (my degree in counseling wasn’t all for nothing!), I understand why I am the way I am. Why I’m so hard on myself. Why I’m so hard on other people, too (namely my kids).

But the more distance I have from my past, the more I am able to see myself apart from it. It will always be a part of me, but its sticky, tar-like grip on my heart has loosened over the years as I experience grace and love from God, my friends and my family. I know now that it’s okay to feel, to express myself and to be who I am.

It’s good to keep learning about yourself and to keep growing. That’s the beauty of growth. It’s never too late and there can never be too much.

Take a listen to Katy Perry’s song “Roar“. I can really relate to the opening lyrics.

What would you like to shed about your past? In what ways do you hope to keep growing in adulthood?

2 Square 2 Be Hip

Inspired by makeovers of all kinds… especially those of the heart and mind

change

An Unexpected Trip to the ER and a Confession

Parenting Unlike a Duck

Multi-tasking = An Overtaxed Brain

Monday Mentionables: Famous Books, Homelessness & College Devotional

Monday Mentionables: Underwater Photos, Pie Crusts & Rice Crispy Treats

A Friend Who Loves at All Times

Parenting Lessons: Words vs. Actions

Monday Mentionables: Inspirational Stories

Stuck in the Muck

Shedding the Past

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