Now that E is getting older, he’s been asking more complicated questions and trying to wrap his head around bigger concepts. Once when we tried to explain to him that there was a time when Mama and Baba didn’t know one another, not even each other’s names, he asked, “Did Baba know his own name?” Lol. 🙂 His question got me thinking that it can be a strange idea for kids to grasp, that there was a time when their parents were not their parents. For kids, it’s hard to imagine their parents as individuals who lived and experienced disappointments, hurts, losses, successes and adventures before they entered the picture.
For myself, when I see pictures of my parents from their younger years or hear stories about their past, I find it easier to understand the people they have become, who they are and why they do what they do. Likewise, I hope that as E and C grow older and know more about hubby and me and our pre-parenting days, they too will understand us better. I hope they will understand that although I believed I was ready to have kids (yes, I was disillusioned!) I came into parenthood with a lot of baggage. My dreams of being a perfect mom were really just that – dreams, because I still had plenty of issues to work on and a lot of growing to do (and still do!!). With that said, I hope they will be gracious and forgive my parenting mistakes. They can blame me all they want to their therapist, but I hope they end up learning from my mistakes and not repeating them! 😛 My wish is that when they become parents one day, they will be better parents than me – more patient, more nurturing, less square, more fun, less dysfunctional and overall, more mature.
So, where does that leave me? I know I’ll never be a perfect mom, but I know I can move on from my past and make changes to be a better parent and moreover, a better person each day. The best part about life is that everyone gets to write their own story and regardless of how it starts, it’s the middle and ending that count. And with God’s help, I am aiming to fill in my unwritten pages with stories of growth and hope.
|Image courtesy of anankkml/freedigitialphotos.net|
Check out the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I like these lines the most: “We’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way” and “Live your life with arms wide open”. 🙂